Childhood and all that jazz

When I was a child (age wise) I never had a friend like Hobbes so it was not that epic but yes it was beautiful and now I am an adult and a bit of childhood has survived despite constant attempts of career to molest my inner child. And sometimes here and there this inner child in me comes out, I think he is claustrophobic or may be he is just annoying child who keep on prancing around and wont settle at one place. To be honest that seldom I am, it's a bit difficult to handle my inner child and that's exactly why I am looking for a hot young baby sitter for him (If interested, please contact). Coming to childhood days, I was a very stupid kid. I always wanted to be a bus conductor till class 5th, thinking it is a coolest job, you see, you travel all day in bus and get lots of coins to play with but then it was me. Young and foolish. I keep on revisiting my childhood not because they were so glorious or colorful but because there was some innocence that gone hung somewhere in the thread of time. When adulthood not only hit us but slaps on the face hard the first victim are our childhood dreams. We grow up, abandon our childhood dreams, start calling ourselves practical and live a mundane life. That's not how I thought I'ill live. Not that I wanted some 7 figure pay cheque but through out my simple life I wanted to be somebody and I am still not THAT somebody and not even close to being THAT somebody any time soon. I was just sitting and smiling on life while opportunities were passing by me, even begging me to drop a glance. But then it was me. Young and foolish. Today when I look back I wonder who drugged me, I swear somebody must have slipped some white powder in my food. Anyway, it's never too late to improve, quit or die. Or just write a blogpost  and carry on with your sorry life.

P.S: 22 years and still I dont know what THAT is. Maybe THAT is THIS. *cruel laugh* 

"Earthquake? We will sit on couch and wait"

I asked two 8 year old kids to write few lines on "What will you do during an earthquake" and I got brilliant answers. 

"First I will try to balance myself. After that I will be calm and sit at one place close my eyes and think about any another thing like some funny jokes or the thing like magic and all. Then I will take a long breath and open eyes after a little time so when I open my eyes I should not feel the earthquake."
~ Bhavya 

"If an earthquake will come, I will keep my all the things safe, so it cant be brocken or torn. I will sit on the sofa and hold it tightly. I will also say to my family to sit with me"~ Vedanshi

Once in a while we should encounter the unexpected  wisdom of children to keep the sanity in us alive between chaos and panic. 

The fault in your words

He wanted to look into those cute eyes. He wanted to touch those soft little hands. He had understood the meaning of true bliss when they kissed for the first time. Here, Sigh! here she was standing with him tonight. There was no moon in the sky, but here was she, holding the night sky with her innocence. She smiled while rubbing her eyes and arranging her curls wide as a heart, stopping his heart short for a while. 

"It's a beautiful sky tonight" She broke the spell.
"Thanks to you" he said.
"And why so?" She asked.
"Each time you lie to me your words penetrate my heart, escapes this world and get pinned in the sky. The bigger the lie, the brighter they twinkle. You saw that brightest star? the one close to moon?" he said pointing at the vast infinity in the sky.
"Yes" she said without any sign of dejection. 
"That's your 'I love you'' he was still looking somewhere in the sky. 
"No matter what you say, no matter how much you try to irritate me, it won't work tonight. I won't let you ruin this beautiful night." she smiled and hugged him gently. 

"I love you" she added and the star close to the moon twinkled a bit more brightly like it got a slimmer of a white light in it.

Nib is fist clenched in anger.

Forget for a minute all those freaking motivational quotes that tell you to control your freaking anger. Anger is the most powerful & purest emotion a man has. Understand it, unlesh it. Dont supress. Anger is something which prevent your inner silkworm's cocoon to become this freaking world's cloak. This freaking anger makes you butterfly. It unleashes you to fly. Amitabh's anger in Zanjeer and Deewar is what made him freaking awesome. Do you think he would have been any popular trying those freaking mushy roles? Do you think freaking Hulk would have been so freaking loved had he gone for anger management? NO.

We all want to be freaking more than what we are- which means we freaking hate ourselves the way we are. No wonder there's so much anger in us. Anger is precious emotion, dont freaking waste it too much on others, because this world is freaking cruel, they will always remember the words that you said in anger, and not those you said in freaking love. Stay away from those kind of freaking people by showing what you are, let them go if your self repel them. Anger is what keeps you human, that venting keeps your machinery cool. Let yourself heart be out of those freaking (rib)cages for a minute, don't restrain. Strip your soul off your freaking body for a minute. Destroy yourself for a minute. Let there be a flash of anger, let there be feeling of emptiness. Damage is done. Good. Now filter relationships. Now collect yourself. Now rebuild. Now go.

Happy New year and all that jazz.

It's not like that it's new year so your life will automatically get sorted out in few days. Stop convincing yourself, nothing will change, unless ofcourse you want some.

Like rain, a new year brings your life another chance. To fix, to amend, to stay, to walk away, to walk back, to rebel, to revel, to revise, to renew, to remember, to rescue, to repeat, to undo, to make up.

New year is a moment of reckoning... or maybe not. You can make it anything you want. Make it some constructive change. You can choose. You have a choice. Make it right one. 

Find small joys in life to be happy and culminate them into big. Push yourself to do better, each day. Dig deep, keep digging and it will take you through. YUSS!

Give yourself and your loved ones a bit more time. If when you wake up in the morning, the first thing you do is reach out and turn on your computer screen, or phone, or tablet, and see what others are saying. Do you really need to do that? Do you need to know what others have been doing, or are telling you, or sharing. Your first thought for the day has to be for yourself. To organize. To think. To Plan.
I know it's sounding like some motivational shit but then let it be one.
Do not wallow in sadness unnecessarily, rather move on to other things, like happiness. Learn that work is just that and life is more than just an intake of air. Always leave a blank page at the end of everything to allow for an exhale or a footnote. Watch at least a sunrise or two every month. Read some books. Watch some movies. Meet old friends. Write. use paper and pen. Sense a quiet in a crowded day. There’s love in every little nook of your heart, of you. Explore it. Expand it. Share it.

So this year, be awesomer, be smarter, be hotter, be happier, be richer.


P.S. - If top thing right now in your mind is what is 'Awesomer', perhaps not so much of the high road for you in 2014. 

Aar amara hariye gechi

So he stands, head bowed, arms out, old wine bottle up for all the world to see. Battered in love and lost in life. He opened his eyes & looked at the leaves of a tree hiding the sky. He walks in a broken dream, lost chances & corroded love. Walking becomes a reasoning fix, that does not lose anything, does not change loyalties & always listens. He walks, whistling a rhyme through his dried lips to match the conundrum of lost chemicals in his non-existent brain. The sun was at its brightest best. He walked alone on the road. From a distance, it looked like he was walking on a layer of melting charcoal. Somewhere in the crowd "kotha kore" began playing, he thought how once he fell in love with this particular song just because she sang it one starry night, he wanted to sing along, a smile frowned on that thought but was soon faced with an expression of dark alley hiding a thousand pains. Lyrics waiting, almost pleading to be sung. But he disdained them because they are no longer 'special'.

"Bhalo! let's talk" he said to himself.

The world above him buzzed with a steady twitch of shock, a whisper of evil, and a silent grin.

 

"bhāi! They have made movies about you."

 

"Losers"

 

"Dilip kumar, Sharukh khan or Abhay Deol? who is your favorite?"

 

"All failed me."

 

"Or you failed your life?"

 

"nīraba karāna. It's 110 years. HUNDRED AND TEN God damn freaking years. Will you please stop bothering me?"

 

"Hahahaha you still miss both of them. Asustha!"

 

"DRINK"

 

And his heart was filled with such great emotions that his throat choked for a moment & tears made their way into his eyes from the woe-begotten place in the doped dark heart.

 

A human mind has a great capacity to ignore the important & distract itself from the mundane. But spirits... they are not that blessed. Ghosts can’t resonate with ignorance. They suffer.

 

And the ghost of Devdas Mukherjee resume walking again oblivious of the mundane racket around him as conductors announced their destination, each spoken like a medley in rough Bengali, vendors crying the head above the rush of engines in Chowringhee market, & all defeated in the lethal combination of metal, glass, and plume of smoke.

Journey : Reminiscent

It's 12 and I can see night slowly drowning into a cold black stillness. I am still and numb, feeling quiet and heavy, exhausted and sleepy and I don’t know what to write but I want to write. I want to write, inscribe, think, compose, create, carve, spill, engrave and then sleep. It's been long I wrote something, that little waterfall I have inside has not emptied from weeks, its not been spilled on paper. It should now. Some song is playing ahh! come on let me tell you a story. A story about an eternal, incurable dreamer and his life. Its sort of funny, you’re sitting and staring into space, trembling, talking to yourself and then you have this sudden urge to tell a story. Shh.. listen, also two reasons why you should read no further:
You never fell in love.
You don’t understand longing.


He stared at the sky again tonight, he uttered her name again today. It was a terrible day, it was suppose to be a happy day. "Impress society and live a lie for as long as we breathe and then be paranoid infront of someone you truely love, woah! Ramanujan, so amusing na?" he questioned his sanity as he looked at the moon, the stars, and the broken dreams. He met her today. And the moment he saw her his heart began to rain and now it is school of sobbing raining black clouds. She walked towards her like night, like waves his heart began to crumble and fall. Oh boy life is a funny story. 10 years have passed and he is still waiting for this woman. He never stopped loving her because he never stopped breathing. Time flies. Like a wicked sadistic but still, kind soul with a twinkle in its eyes, this time keeps on flying away. Teasing and making you want what you can never have. Too romantic, too adorable, too painful. Leela, oh boy, have you seen that woman? When she was walking in the breeze of a forlorn evening, it was hard not to flow in her. It felt like two people meeting each other, after an entire lifetime of not meeting each other. You cannot understand how he felt when he saw her coming towards her if you could, you would have called an ambulance. "She said something...but what? Gosh, stop staring it looks chessy, but what she said, I dont know but it felt like a flute playing sweetly on its own. Focus Ramanujan focus, dont stare, please dont".  Both of them smiled when their eyes met. "Hold that look. Hold that smile." Her smile coated with shyness never ceases to enthrall him. The sky became a dark platonic poet and the clouds smirked with envy with water bleeding momentarily. They shook hand "Now don't take your hands off me. Let this be my most lasting moment of my life". His heart skipped a beat and a few more as he hold her soft and smooth hand. There is a certain joy in touching her and it's like, you just want to hug her for the rest of your life. Her body was littered with land mines that numbed his mind as he touch her. She was wearing specs, and he was amazed how her eyes crawled out of the picture just to touch him. Her freely flowing hairs were neatly tucked within a hair band like a storm captured in a bottle. "Why is she so beautiful? So beautiful that she touches that part of the heart which induces the tears... out of joy" They sat there. She ordered ice cream, he preferred coffee. They sat there, waiting for words to be spoken in the puff of silence. He wanted to speak, and he did, with that imperfect silence. Lips were sealed, silence was inhaled.  "I want, I badly want a new word, or a new language of my own to hold you tight in my eyes and heart". He remained silent, he just wanted to see her. Look at her, lost in his own world with her forgetting the reality when she is with her. Half an hour passed and he kept on looking at her with a nervous smile. She smiled occasionally, and that smile made the wait of a decade worthwhile.  With that smile she made everything still. Time included and he melt. like icecream left in the sun and a fool was born in him, a fool who said nothing and remained silent. There was so much to speak and all he spoke was silence, searching for the right thing to say when there is really no wrong thing to say. Sometimes you have to stand on the edge, close to the door, away from life. Keeping an eye on the opportunity. Observing it's every movement, it's every step because  opportunity wont knock you have to open the door by intuition, its tricky.
He has nothing but words to tell her presence in his life and within him, is an anchor. He doesnt respect words, words are wind but there is an emotional flex. He remained silent knowing it's worst he could do. Silence may not be right thing he was doing but it was honest and transparent. Lips were stitched and he was choking out of all the love he had for her that he could not speak off. She was eating ice cream. She was looking beautiful, as if Ice cream was invented years ago just for her to eat. If  women had seen her eating ice cream the way she was eating they would have gone angry, furious. They would have want their money back but it's ok, she could have paid them with the way she look. her quiet, patient digging spoon in ice cream and then softly eating, like a clam, is something he found delight in.  There was a certain pleasure in watching her artistically eating that ice cream. It was difficult to comprehen if he was dumb there or waiting for his beating heart to steady itself as he sees her smiling once a while. They came out of the cafe and strolled around for a while. A walk away from chaos, but there was no walking away from that fool inside him. He imagined laughing, conversing, conscious of minds caressing walk and there they were silently roaming around. He knew he have screwed things, stamerring, doing all the wrong things. He began talking, talking about Universe, God, identity, Soul, Peace, Desire and stuff. He spoke all the wrong things. She was confused still she listen him speak.  "One day perhaps we will joke about this silence and this nonsense I spoke finally, if there will be another day".  There was something magical about her that is not a trick, but simply because it is not a trick he was apprehensive because nobody, nobody has this kind of power. "What kind of eyes she has? Black? brown? No... both? I dont know,I mistake your kind of color for that composite of every color this universe has ever produced, Oh! I dont want this moment to end". He dissertation on what's wrong with the world but could not utter what's  in his heart. He made himself believe in multiverse, believing in some universe on lonely planet there are two people like him and her, walking around and there he could speak to her what he feel.

There maybe a second part in continuation of this story I might write. I dont know, I am sleepy for now.